How to Pretend you Have Soul/How Not to be Ginger

I am ginger, in case you hadn't quite got that already, and I am proud of it. I don't mind people pointing it out because they're just stating the obvious and we already know how I feel about those kinds of people (see Nationally Hated Things) but I do mind when people say that us gingers have no soul. I'm not sure whether this has actually been scientifically proven or not, but either way, here are some ways to show that gingers (or anyone to whom it is relevant) do have souls.

1) Cry Loads

I'm not a big fan of the waterworks most of the time, but sometimes there are times when you just need to cry it out. If you are soulless, supposedly one wouldn't do this so here are some tips on how to cry:

- Look into the sun

- Think of puppies dying in the arms of poverty stricken children whose parents are being taken away from them (if that doesn't make you shed a tear then maybe you are actually soulless)

- Blink loads

- Eye drops

2) Donate Money to Charity

I know this can be hard as no-one wants to break the bank, so whenever you go out grab a few coppers and if you see any of those people that walk around with those charity money boxes- chuck 'em in; preferably the charities that give you stickers, so that your soulfulness is on display. Oh and make sure loads of people watch when you drop in those coins.

3) Let People go in front of you in Queues

I know this can be very annoying and often time consuming as once you've let one person through, immediately people assume you are a pushover who will let anyone through. However, pushovers sure do have a great soul. Ergo, you have a great soul too.

4) Visit your Grandparents

Do this at least once a weekend so you look like one of the most caring people. Also, if someone asks you to go somewhere with them say that you can't because you are going to see your Grandmother/father. Immediately that person will think you are the sweetest human and that you have a bigger soul than them, they will forget all about that time when they said gingers didn't have souls.

5) Ed Sheeran

If all else fails, just continuously remind people that Ed Sheeran is a fellow ginger and it doesn't come much less soulless that him, have you heard some of his songs?! That will make people think that you are a bit similar to Ed Sheeran and they will then reconsider their statement of you being soulless and maybe even all gingers being soulless.

You may try any of the above and I wish you luck in your soulful endeavours. However, gingers, do not dye your hair- this looks like you are surrendering to people's hair colour racism and we don't want that at all. Be proud of your gingerness, whether you actually have a soul or not.

M x