Thursday 4 October 2012

Getting Dressed: Some Life Rules

I apologise if I offend anyone with the following suggestions for what you should never ever wear. Actually, these aren't suggestions for what not to do, they are commands.

1) Crocs and socks-
I don't even need to explain this. You age about 40 years if you do this. Its not okay, never has been, never will be.

2) Flip flops and socks-
See above.

3) VPL- (Visible Pants Line)
Humans are meant to have 2 bum cheeks, not 4.
[I won't mentally scar you with a picture]

4) Chokers-
I'm so sorry; there was a time for these but, unfortunately for a few people, that time has long passed. Unless you're a goth, these are just socially unacceptable.

5) Navy blue and black-
I'll admit, I have been known to commit this crime on more than one occasion, but I, like everyone else who I see wearing blue and black, just look like a human bruise. (and Rebecca Black has been seen wearing these two colours together, doesn't that tell you something?)

6) Excessive amounts of jewellery-
People don't want to be blinded when they look at you. You don't need to wear 12 rings, 2 necklaces, giant earrings, stacks of bracelets to complete your outfit.













7) Shorts that show your bum-
No, just no. This is never okay. No-one wants to see that much when they are walking behind you. You may as well just ditch the shorts altogether if you want to achieve that sort of look...
(once again, no picture for obvious reasons)

8) Socks over jeans-
Why, society, why? For some reason, people think this is fashionable or indie or something. I am so confused why they think this; it just looks accidental. The only time when it is fine to do this is when your socks are thick and you are going to put wellies on top. If you're just going to put converse on to complete you're gorgeous look then be prepared receive some judgemental looks from the headstrong members of society.

If you heed this advice then you will be sure to make millions of friends when you go out. And, if you are looking at yourself now and realising you commit these crimes daily then it is not too late to stop, move to a new city and change your name.
Once again, if any of these hurt your feelings, I am so so sorry but I hope you understand...

M x





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