Therefore I am on the tube/bus/train quite a lot. Over the years I have observed/felt/heard many things on public transport that need to be criticised. I am going to share them with you now:
1) How do you know when you should give your seat up? I know there are signs everywhere telling you to offer your seat to elderly people, disabled people, pregnant people or people who are "less able to stand", but it is hard knowing which passengers fit into these categories. Is there an age at which immediately seats must be given up to you? If so, what is this age? Unfortunately, us humans are yet to develop the power of mind-reading so we also don't know how old people actually are; you could offer your seat to a perfectly able-bodied 35-year-old who looks 80, that is embarrassing for both people. On the other hand, you could leave a 95-year-old person standing up, clutching the hand rail, knees aching and bones breaking, just because they look 40 years younger than they actually are. Plastic surgery is becoming increasingly popular.
Then we move onto pregnant people. It is actually very hard to tell when people are pregnant, except for those obnoxious women who wear those 'Baby On Board' badges. Obesity levels are rising, how is one meant to know who is with child and who is just tubby? You obviously can't just ask someone "excuse me, are you pregnant?" because if the answer is no and they are just a tad chubs, that is sooo awkward for the rest of the journey, and if the answer is yes and you then give up your seat to that person you just look a bit stupid.
I think the rules should be changed. I don't think people should give up their seats, I think those who are elderly, disabled, pregnant or less able to stand should ask for them. If everyone does it and Boris is cool with it, then it's not rude. But in the mean time, if I have a seat, I won't be giving it up. Not because I'm rude, but because I'm scared of humiliating me or another passenger.
2) Do the drivers enjoy watching your whole day be ruined? At least once a week this happens: my day start brilliantly, I have had the best breakfast, I am right on time, I've done all my homework from the previous night and I am strolling cheerfully to the station. I see that my tube leaves at 49 minutes past 7 so I'm fine for time as it is only 47 minutes past 7. I bound through the barriers (not forgetting to use my oyster card) and... watch the tube pull away, 1 minute and 22 seconds early. I can practically hear the tube conductor's laughter.
It's the same with buses, you're running and running, you're sure you'll make it and just as you get to the doors, the bus pulls away.
Why do they do that?! It's just mean!
3) There should be a limit to the volume people can talk at. I know I'm being a little hypocritical here as I am prone to the odd loud laugh on the train, but I am not one of the annoying schoolgirls who recounts her whole day to the rest of the passengers. We don't care that you got a A* on your History essay that you did in the lesson before you handed it in, it doesn't make you sound cool. In fact, your history teacher could be sitting next to you...
There should be little monitors behind every seat and if your noise exceeds the limit the monitor should buzz, or give you an electric shock or something. I don't think this is even possible but people should look into it.
4) B.O. It's disgusting. There is this amazing thing called deodorant that stops people from smelling like dead fish wrapped in poo covered in feet. However people still smell, and their heinous body odour seems to spread through the whole of whatever mode of transport you are on. This stink can easily be helped! Automatic air-fresheners should be installed in trains/tubes/buses etc. This would fix the problem wonderfully! At least, until the air freshener ran out.
Maybe I will write another Frustration on public transport but for now, if you see a small ginger girl on the tube who is not giving her seat up, is scowling at some overly-loud year 7 and screwing her nose up at the man sitting opposite her, it is most probably me.
M x
