School Pecking Order

I'm afraid this is one of those annoying posts that will maybe definitely only make sense to those who live in England, so if you don't- I think you better leave right now. Unless you enjoy being befuddled.

At every school there is a hierarchy, everyone has to learn to accept it, begrudgingly or happily. If you don't know what the order is, don't worry because I am about to write it down, and hopefully it will stick.

Remember that I don't mean to offend anyone in this post, I am just telling it like it is. Don't hate me, hate the system.

1) Sixth Formers

This includes the prestigious Head Girl/Boy and her/his team. They are to be feared by all, even if they are the kindest people in the world, which most of the time they aren't.

In the majority of schools, sixth form students don't wear uniform (obviously this is only significant if the school has a uniform in prior years). This makes them easy to spot, and therefore easy to kneel at the feet of when they walk past you, because this is what you should do if you see one of these specimens.

It is not their fault that they are often grumpy, they are laden with work and other life stresses. Please be forgiving to these people and remember that, no matter what, they are always better than you.

2) Headmaster/mistress

You may be wondering why the actual leader of the school comes below the oldest students in the hierarchy. I don't know either, so don't ask me. And don't ask the system either, because you are not allowed to question the system.

The head of a school is pretty scary and they must always be given a warm smile when you see them; this smile should be quite subtle and don't show teeth. Any banter that this person tries to have with you should be received with a nod of your head and a light laugh, no more, no less.

3) Deputy head

This person usually tries to get "down with the kids". I don't know what it is about deputy heads that makes them want to do this, they clearly don't realise that it's just creepy. However, they are number 3 in the pecking order, so I would do what they tell you to do (to a certain extent. Know your limit) and enjoy your fun-lovin' senior teacher.

4) Other teachers

Meh. You want to get on the good side of most teachers because they do have the ability to give you more homework and no-one wants that.

5) Years 9-11

These people are allowed to be mean to anyone in the years below them, but are also meant to lay their coats down at the feet of the sixth formers.

They have a certain amount of power, but they are also often over-ruled. They are easy to spot by their half-chipped-off nail varnish, rolled up skirts and they are often putting up posters about their lost folders.

6) Dinner ladies

These people are actually very important. I mean, these people serve you your food, they could easily spit in it if you don't treat them well. They will always hold that power over you.

You have the nice dinner ladies and the nasty dinner ladies; the nice ones will always give you extra chips on a Friday and the nasty ones (who are often skinnier) will give you judgemental looks when you get pasta and bread (not that I ever ever ever do that. Never ever.)

7) Year 8s

Almost as annoying as Year 7s, but their voices are slightly less nasal and high pitched. They think it's okay to push in the lunch queue, which it really isn't, but at the same time, there is an element of sweetness about them especially when you see them crying to a teacher because they "lost their hockey stick".

They are distinctive as they have shiny, new shoulder bags, glossy ponytails and they are keen to sign up to as many clubs as possible.

8) Foreign Exchange Students

If you're unable to converse with them, how do you know if they are important or not? Answer: you don't. So they're just floating around down here at number 8.

9) Poo

10) Year 7s

The bane of every person in the school's life. The other students hate 'em, the teachers hate 'em and no-one can blame them really. Every year, the new girls get cockier and cockier. No you cannot push past a year 10 in the queue into assembly and please unlink your arms and stop running down the corridors in group of 20 so there is no room for anyone else. The thought of them makes me annoyed, blegh.

These creatures are quite small, giggly, always have money for the tuck shop and their preferred school bag is either a garishly coloured backpack or the most annoying wheelie suitcase in the world.

Anyway, there you have it- the order which needs always to be instilled in schools. Otherwise, the school could turn into havoc and be shut down.

Stick to this hierarchy like nobody's business and the school experience should be enjoyable for the most part and safe.

M x