American High School by a British teenager

Sometimes, just sometimes, I wish I didn't go to my posh all-girls school. Exams have taken over my life and if someone ever mentions 'one-strapping' again, I'll push myself over a cliff. Admittedly, sometimes it's quite nice discussing British boys, British boys and whether we've managed to watch the new episode of New Girl online (dear E4, please just show it over here), but I just want an eeeeeeeeeescape.
Here's the time that I should let you in to a little secret of mine. I have a second life that will totally never happen, but I like to imagine it will. In this life, Schmidt is my older brother with Cher Horowitz as my sister and Morgan Freeman as my loving grandfather (PLEASE). Oh, and I go to American High School. And here's why:


Slushies!
This is the first of many, and possibly the most important, reason why I want to go to high school. I hope all high schools aren't like McKinley High (personally, I think singing around the school would be a pretty awesome thing, but my form teacher will not agree to said idea), but THEY SELL SLUSHIES.

Dear bullies of McKinley High, why are you throwing these perfectly drinkable slushies at the disabled kid? They're so berrylicious and tasty!

Jocks and Letterman jackets
SO HOT. I'm yet to find these 'amazing, gorgeous British boys' that everyone talks of, but all you American jocks are hot as. And your Letterman jackets improve your hot-inosity (made up word of the day)

Not you, Zac and Corbin. You're basketball players. That doesn't count as being a jock.

Not having public exams

^^

This is what I look like right about now. GCSEs are right around the corner and the impending Sixth Form choices will probably cause me to cry myself to sleep every night. Because there is always something going on. 

Now, I don't want to speak for the Americans because, honestly, I have no idea what you get up to in your big house of education. But I'm vaguely aware of something called a GPA and finals, but no public exams, correctamundo?

LUCKY YOU, AMERICANS.

Prom

Any attempts at a British version of Prom fail miserably, so absolutely cringe-worthy.  But I've seen so many American high school proms (admittedly in films) and yes, it's a little bit cringey. But oh, the dresses. The dates. The corsages. The end of school. The cheesy limo. IT ALL SOUNDS SO GREAT.
But I'd be so worried of not getting a date. And wearing a horrible dress.
And having spinach in my teeth (just me?)

But for now, until Morgan Freeman knocks on the door with the adoption papers, I'll cry myself to sleep over exams and suffer (through gritted teeth) through our 'senior formal dance'.

L x