I know I can't be the only person in the world to have seen Clueless, AND THEN read Emma, the Jane Austen novel it was based on? I may be a bit of a reading geek, but I'm an even bigger Cher Horowitz fan. Not Emma Woodhouse. Definitely not Emma Woodhouse. Even Jane Austen said 'I am going to take a heroine who no one but myself will much like'.
That's the point, we're not meant to like Emma. She's meddling, interfering and spoilt, so surely those characteristics would have been transferred to the adapted film version of Clueless (okay, so artistic license plays a large role but shhh, you're ruining my point). Yet there's something so unbelievably great about Cher in my opinion, and I'm going to try and understand why.
HER WARDROBE
Admittedly, I wear a school uniform at the moment, so I don't have the mad 7am rush of trying to find something on the floor that doesn't smell too offensively appalling to wear, but I do have to dress myself after school and on weekends. And don't we all wish we couldn't have that nifty little contraption of Cher's. Life would be so easy. It might also avoid the guilty embarrassment of finding a photo of yourself from years ago wearing socks and sandals. I'm sure I thought it was a good idea at the time...
HER DAD
Daddy B, I love you, I really do, but you're not a super cool stressed lawyer. You're Head of Distressed Debt (calm down you wildcat), and although I secretly suspect that you're the cool guy of the office (wearing lederhosen to the office Christmas party? Nothing less than badass), it's just not enough for me.
Let's face the facts here. The main reason Cher's dad is my numero uno is because he's called Mel. Yes, Mel Horowitz.
HER FRIENDS
You know you have a true friend when you are both named after has-been pop singers, I'm just saying. We all secretly wanted a friend like Dionne and resented our friends for not being so witty with their comebacks.
But in all seriousness, we all wish we had our Dionne. The totally stable, sensible one who has a boyfriend (although he's a total loser), and who loves your obsession with fashion and makeovers as much as you do.
As a side note, I will be holding auditions for the Dionne position in my life on Wednesday lunchtime. Form an orderly queue.
PAUL RUDD
Yes, Paul Rudd is one of my (many) geeky crushes, in a long list with others such as Chris O'Dowd, Matthew Lewis and Matt Smith. But, as a brotherless teenage girl, I feel as if I've missed out, in a totally non-weird way. I always wished I had cool older girlfriends to come round and chat, as well as big, comfy sweaters to steal. PARENTS YOU FAILED ME.
Ummm... I forgot where this was going. But yes. Paul Rudd.
That is all.
THE GBF
Any person who says that they don't want a GBF (gay best friend) are either in denial or living under a rock. Imagine having a friend of the opposite sex that you're never worried is going to ask you out to lunch or try and get with you (it's a really tough life being me, clearly. This might only be a problem if I had any friends). But a gay best friend, ahh a gay best friend. Imagine the possibilities.
And Christian. Oh Christian. So suave, so stylish, but far too much gel in the hair. Hagsville.
But, if like me and many others, you can't afford to live the grand ol' life of Cher Horowitz, take my nifty tips to live the 90210 lifestyle without breaking the bank:
- Always have a lipgloss on hand. Always. And then pout.
- Carry a fluffy pen. Normal pens are maybe cheaper, but AS IF!
- Buy colourful clothes!
- Always go to class with a Starbucks. It had better be a skinny flavoured latte!
- Get your maid Lucy (no correlation) to deal with your hideous amounts of washing. Or, if that fails, bribe your mum
(The above tips cannot guarantee you a hot stepbrother)
By the way, Mindy, I'm ditching you and turning this blog into a full time Clueless appreciation website. Someone needs to.
L x
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