So it's the time of year that you walk into a shopping centre and it is absolutely filled to the brim with stores advertising their 'great party dress deals' and far too many strapless dresses to make you wish shoulders had never been invented. Don't they know that everyone just stays in over the Christmas period because:
a) it's too cold
b) we have no friends
c) Christmas TV is too fabulous to consider going out
d)we really should be revising
Of course, I'm generalising by calling myself 'normal'. Error. But, on a serious note, if you've stocked up on enough Quality Street to see you through the season (I'd recommend about one large tin per evening), then you're pretty much set. And, hey, use this guide as your Ultimate Christmas 2012 TV Bible. We're here to help.
Victoria's Secret Fashion Show
When: 22nd December, E! 9:00pm
What: One runway, most of my favourite human beings on the earth. Miranda Kerr, Jourdan Dunn, Lily Aldridge, Cara Delevigne, Lily Donaldson and Erin Heatheron on the same runway, plus more? Sign me up!
Why: So it's not technically related to Christmas but it will probably inspire you to lay off the Pringles and hit the gym on Boxing Day. Actually, maybe it's best avoided...
Mr Stink
When: 23rd December, BBC1 6:30pm
What: 12 year old Chloe befriends a pungent tramp called Mr Stink and they become friends. Charming. However, it is adapted from the book by David Walliams, who happens to play the Prime Minister. So it'll probably be a good 'un
Why: Because Hugh Bonneville (Lord Grantham, you twits) is in it as well as some other girls I know, so I know I'll be watching. And considering I have a really large army of people who copy my every move, I'm pretty sure they'll be doing the same.
Downton Abbey
When: Christmas Day, ITV1 8:45pm
What: Supposedly, the episode features the Crawley family visiting Duneagle Castle in Scotland to see Lady Rose and her parents and Mr Carson desperately tries to keep the servants in check back at Downton Abbey. The ITV Director of Drama Laura Mackie says 'best have the tissues ready!'
Don't say you haven't been warned
Why: Because it's Downton Abbey, fool
Top Of The Tops: Christmas Special
When: Christmas Day, BBC1, 2pm
What: Hosted my Reggie Yates (my fave) and Fearne Cotton (ok, maybe not my fave), but expect performanes from Little Mix, One Direction, Robbie Williams, Ollie Murs, Rihanna, Katy Perry and Cheryl Cole...
Why: I didn't even realise Top Of The Tops was still running! Isn't that reason enough?
Doctor Who
When: Christmas Day, BBC1, 5:20pm
What: Set in Victorian London, where new assistant Clara is looking after the children of wealthy widower Captain Latimer, the Doctor arrives to confront crazy-ass snowpeople.
Why: The theme music. 'Nuff said.
Call The Midwife
When: Christmas Day, 7:30pm, BBC1
What: Chummy organises a nativity play and bonds with young girl in need of a guardian angel, while Jenny Lee helps an old lady put her past to rest. Apparently it's meant to be upbeat...
Why: It's their first Christmas special, so we should all try and be nice to them. Although I've never actually watched the show, I have been assured that it's absolutely fantabadoosie.
Miranda
When: Boxing Day, BBC1, 9:00pm
What: Penny is threatening to cancel Miranda's Christmas if she doesn't sort her life out...
Why: Let's be honest, whether it is good or not, it will be SUCH FUN!
And what I won't be watching...
A Very JLS Christmas
When: 23rd December, Sky1, 6pm
What: They will basically be singing some songs and giving out some presents. And yes, they will probably be wearing white vests and flexing. You have been warned.
Why not: I don't have the emotional capability to deal with this right now.
So there you have it. Let me know how it all turns out. Because of course, I'll have my head in the books. Hopefully.
L x
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