I am very much in the festive spirit now, even listening to some Mariah Carey as I write this, and I think it is very much acceptable to start thinking about buying your Christmas trees. It may even be okay to start getting out your tree decorations from the attic and maybe even (but this could be pushing it a little) buying and decorating them.
You must be panicking so much right now; you have no idea where to start in the whole decorating process. As always, I am here for you- a shoulder to cry on, a giant walking tissue to blow your nose on (ew, please don't) and a fountain of knowledge about all things useless.
So, without further ado, this is my guide of how to decorate your tree in various different ways.
The pictures are merely guides and visual aid, not strictly how yours should or will look.
Option 1) Tacky
You will need:
- Gold/Silver faux Christmas tree
- Coloured lights
- Tinsel in 2 of these colours: pink, blue, green, orange, red
- Plastic baubles in various shapes, sizes and colours
- Something sparkly for the top, I would recommend an old hair scrunchie
What to do:
Start by wrapping the tinsel around the tree, it is easiest if two people do this by taking one colour each and just walking around the tree not even checking to see if the tinsel has been spread evenly. Make sure the tinsel is wrapped quite tightly for the best look.
Next, apply the lights in a similar way to the tinsel, however make sure these have an even spread. Turn them on for the rest of the decorating process as this will help you greatly.
Now you can put on your baubles; don't even bother putting hooks on them, this way they will stick off your tree rigidly and the light will catch them wonderfully.
Chuck your sparkly item on the top, step back, and admire your masterpiece.
Option 2) Organised
You will need:
- Real Christmas tree of average size and evenly spread fir
- Colourless LED lights
- Gold and silver baubles (or similar colour scheme, like red and gold etc.)
- Boxes wrapped in silver paper
What to do:
Put your tree the corner of a room which has a chandelier in (because everyone's house is like a hotel obviously).
Wrap the lights around your tree making sure they look even and that every little lamp works. Next, place the gold and silver baubles on your tree evenly- no gold next to gold/silver next to silver or empty gaps.
Place your wrapped boxes under your beautiful tree in an orderly mess.
Option 3) Minimalist
You will need:
- Real tree, get the biggest that you can find
What to do:
Find a place to put your tree and put it there.
Option 4) Alternative
You will need:
- Any tree you can find, a bush would also do the trick
- Random household objects (eg. Cutlery, shoes, scissors, clothing items)
- Something to put on top
- Optional: Christmas tree lights
What to do:
Place the household object on your chosen piece of greenery randomly. If they hang off branches then this is brilliant, if not, place them on the tree at your own risk.
I recommend putting some sort of vessel, for instance a saucepan, over the top of your tree for added splendour.
If you have lights, just chuck them at your tree and hope they stay or electrocute any passing grandparents.
Option 5) Not a tree
a) Coat hangers
You will need:
- Coat hangers
- Somewhere to hang them from
- Lights
What to do:
Hang the coat hangers from the thing you have chosen to hang them from.
b) Drinks cans/bottles
You will need:
- Hundreds of drinks cans/bottles
- A strong bladder
What to do:
Drink all of the liquid inside of your drinks cans/bottles until they are all empty. Go to the toilet x100.
Stack your drinks containers on top of each other in pyramid formation and pray that they don't fall over.
c) Stuffed toys
This one is self explanatory. And also slightly terrifying.
d) Books
You will need:
- Hundreds of books
- Time and patience
- A ladder or two
- Lights
What to do:
Stack 'em high. This could take a while. After a few weeks (or however long it takes you to complete) drape some lights over your book pile.
If you choose any of the above Christmas tree options, I'm sure your tree will be absolutely beautiful and if you don't, I'm sure it'll look alright anyway.
Enjoy decorating your trees and expect more seasonal posts sometime, and maybe Lucy will break her blogging fast and write one as well. If we're lucky.
M x
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