An Instagram A Day Keeps Your Friends At Bay

This is going to sound reaaaaaally hypocritical. Because, yes, I am an iPhone user and yes, I use Instagram. But not quite so religiously as some others, it would seem...

What is it about Instagram? Why does it have over 100 million users? Is it the ability to make a photo square shaped (simple but soo genius), or the filters that have the ability to make that average photo of you and your friends look super cool and trendy. And spot-free (major bonus)

Personally, I like it because 90% of the filters make me look tanned. Bye bye vampire look.

But nowadays, it seems as if Instagram is made up of the following groups:
60% spamming losers
32% self-obsessed teenage girls (the majority of these girls also happen to be One Direction obsessed. 'oooooh emmmm geeee lovin ma new 1D tee, theyre the best. get off my future husband, I <3 U Zayn xoxo')
5% cat lovers (follow @catsofinstagram, they're the best)
3% normal human beings

So I wrote a little letter to the users. Not all users, just the majority.

Dear active users of Instagram (not the spammers, we don't like you much and quite frankly, we wish you'd go away),
We don't care what you look like without make up. We don't want your daily selfies. We don't want to see a picture of yourself in the mirror everytime you wear your One Direction t-shirt. We certainly don't care about every Starbucks cup you drink from, whether your name is spelt incorrectly or not, and we most definitely do not want to know about your #OutfitOfTheDay
Seriously. We don't care.
Yours Sincerely,
An easily annoyed girl who hopes she does none of the above

And ever since the invention of Instagram, a new social group seem to have emerged from the depth. THE FOOD-STAGRAMERS. They're a pretty dangerous lot.
Most likely to be found: outside a new trendy cafe/restaurant and ALWAYS outside a Nando's, strangely.
Symptoms include: mad twitchy eye, unused camera around the neck and bad eyesight from holding the phone right up to their face
Interesting facts: The only food they eat will always be stone cold, because they've spent so long getting several snaps (from several angles, daaahling). And if they're feeling frisky, they might upload a panoramic scan on their swanky iPhone 5 (stop showing off, okay?)

So you, yes you. Just remember this. Next time you Instagram a picture of your Decaf Skinny Sugar Free Gingerbread Latte with the Nashville filter, Santa Claus won't bring you any Christmas presents and Mickey Mouse will come into your room at midnight and kill you with a machete, just like he did with 10 year old Jimmy.

Unless you comment on ten other Instagram photos, of course.

L x