How to Answer the Phone

This is a sequel to How to Respond to Texts, immediately after I posted it I realised that a few people actually use their telephonic devices to make phone calls and physically speak to someone (not face-to-face of course, who even does that anymore?)
Nowadays, the majority of the world has caller ID on their mobile (unless living in the dark ages is your thing, which is totally fine) so you can tell who is calling you and think of what to say before you press the green phone button and receive the call, but picking up the phone can be awkward if you say the wrong thing to the wrong person.
Obviously, you iPhone 4S users could just double click your middle button and ask Siri what to say when you pick up the phone very speedily before actually picking up your call, however, some of us don't have that luxury and if you read this and commit the following greetings to memory, you could use Siri for more pressing matters. Like asking who is the fairest of them all and if she'll be your friend.


Calling: MUM

If she is mad at you: Answer: *fake crying* Yes Mummy? *fake sob*
If you have good news: Answer: Guess what!!
If someone is eavesdropping: Answer: Hola madre!
Any other circumstance: Answer: Maaaammm!!

Calling: DAD

Answer: Hi dad, firstly, can I have £20?...
or Answer: Yeah hi dad, could I ask you a teeny tiny favour?...

Calling: SIBLING
Answer: Oi, what do you want?
or Answer: Ergh, you

Calling: BEST FRIEND
Answer: Hey fatty
or Answer: You literally just left my house, what did you forget this time?
or Answer: Got any gossip for me, (insert chosen rude name here)?

Calling: ONE OF THOSE ANNOYING SURVEY PEOPLE

Answer: Hello, the person you are calling is unavailable, please leave a message after the tone *make a high pitched noise*

Answer: Hello? Yeah, sorry (your name) isn't here right now, bye.

Calling: LESS GOOD FRIEND

Answer: Heyyy baaaabbee what's up?

Calling: OVERKEEN NEIGHBOUR (yes, this guy/girl pops up everywhere) 

Answer: Same as answer to One of the annoying survey people (see above)
or Answer: *fake yawn* Oh hi... Sorry... I'm so tired... I don't ever want to leave my bedroom for any reason... And I really love being alone... Yup, me, myself and I are having such a good time...

Calling: MEMBER OF OPPOSITE SEX

Answer: *Assume it is a bum call and don't pick up at all*
or Answer: Hi


I do not recommend answering the phone in any other way than the above. Trust me, I am an expert, I have done years and years of research and even have a PhD in phone calls, because that is totally a real thing.
Feel free to mix and match, but don't use the Mum ones in answering to anyone else, that could create some super uncomfortable situations.

Also, I deeply apologise for Lucy's premature Christmas posts, I couldn't hold her back, she's like a Russian revolutionary (Historical reference, I'm not a clairvoyant). I, however, shall start blogging about the pending festivities this Saturday, which is December 1st, which is when it is socially acceptable to do this.

M x

Christmas in London

With December rapidly approaching, it seems the only thing on everyone's minds is Christmas (apart from us GCSE-ers. Mocks Schmocks). Have I remembered to get a gift for everyone? Is there enough ribbon? Do we have enough Quality Street to see us through the holiday? (The answer to the last one, without looking in the Christmas snack corner, is no. We do not have enough. We will never have enough)

Throughout November, and even more increasingly in December, everyone seems to get a twitchy eye, consumed by the ordeal of Christmas while trying to push their way through the hoards of like-minded shoppers on Oxford Street. Looks like a zombie attack, feels like an apocalypse.

But living in the city, sometimes we forget all the wonderful festive things that go on around this time of the year, because we are so busy planning every minute detail. Christmas music essential.

Winter Wonderland

Now I'm not exactly a regular to Winter Wonderland, in fact I've only ever been a couple of times but it is absolutely mesmerising, especially at nighttime. The bright lights of the fairground rides cut against the coldness in the air and, cheese alert, you can actually feel the Christmas spirit in the air.  I know I'm getting all fancy schmancy English GCSE an everything, but it is seriously so mesmerising.
Plus, there is a crafts fair so if it comes to December 22nd and your stuck for a gift idea for you dad, you can take the easy option out and get him a shoddy German wooden tree decoration. Merry Christmas Dad (the market actually has some great stuff. Really great stuff in fact. It just also happens to sell those stupid jelly balls that you put in your vases with flowers... I mean really?!)

Christmas at Harrods
So, this isn't exactly just a Christmas thing, because it seems as if the Harrods Christmas Shop is open year round, but there is something very festive-feeling about the rattle of hideously expensive tree decorations jingling inside the dark-green bag.
Plus, Harrods has London's best selection of Santas. Yes, Santas plural. I was a very sceptical seven year old, and don't think I didn't notice the elves taking oblivious, screaming families to a variety of rooms, instead of just one.
(By the way kids, Santa is real, he just gets super busy making stinking Lego toys which are so god-damn easy to step on in December, so he hires a bunch of bad, middle-aged actors to play Santa)

Would you just take a look at my face in this photo? I think that says it all. If Harrods ever need anyone to come up with an advertising campaign for their Christmas Grotto, I'm their go-to-girl. Just stick that face up on billboards and the masses will come flocking. Although some of them may confuse the advert with one for constipation tablets. Let's not go there.
(Let's not talk about the outfit. Pretty sure the turtleneck look was working in my favour at the time)

Ice Skating
There's something about ice skating that feels so Christmassy. Maybe it's because they only appear at Christmas time, hmmmm. But, you seriously do not need me to condense this information for you! Read Mindy's whole post on it here!

Pantomime
Maybe it's just a family tradition thing, but for me, Christmas wouldn't be Christmas without the Pantomime. We always go to the one in Richmond, but the Wimbledon and Hammersmith ones are supposed to be good as well...
Actually, does it have to be good? Isn't that the point of the pantomime? Isn't it meant to be absolutely cringeworthy? Confession time, I actually performed in the Hounslow Pantomime back in '09, playing a villager/demon/fairy in Jack And The Beanstalk. Bet you didn't know that? Yes, I'm technically a professional actress. Got paid £40 for 17 shows, which was the bees knees back in Year 8. Would be pretty miffed now though.

Gawking at shop windows/general appreciation
So this isn't really a day trip out, so don't fill up your Thermos with hot chocolate and cut the crusts off your sandwiches (freak) yet... Often the things that you find the most joy out of are things you weren't expecting... Take shop window displays for example. There you are, trying to dash past Selfridges as fast as you can with one too many shopping bags than was necessary, and then seeing the window display. Every year they are always so imaginative and original, and they never fail to put a smile on my face.
Other great examples of top notch window displays include:

• Harrods (obviously)
• Fortune & Masons
• Harvey Nichols

Christmas at Starbucks

Now that it's back, and it's back for good (well until January 5th), we can all enjoy our favourite festive beverages, (almost) guilt-free. Huge arguments arise from the important debate: Toffee Nut Latte vs. Gingerbread Latte.

I know there are Starbucks shops dotted around the country but there's a different feeling within London Starbucks stores. This must be due to the amount of people who visit their regular Starbucks every day and the sheer amount of people who go, all the hustle and bustle. Baristas shout across the store orders which do not want to be repeated 'THAT'LL BE A VENTI SOY GINGERBREAD LATTE WITH SUGAR FREE SYRUP NO CREAM ONE SHOT ONLY'. Feels just a little bit festive, no? The lonely bunch of tinsel draped across the menu in early November is rather odd and out of place, but hey, it's Christmas.

Of course, everyone has their own family Christmas traditions, and that's what really interests me. Christmas is such a basic idea and families have mainly the basic same principles, but it's so interesting to see what different people do with their day. But, anyhoo, I digress. If you have any Christmas traditions in London, or even if I have left anything out, feel free to comment, we don't bite! (Well Mindy does a little, but she tries to be gentle. Poking her eyes out should do the trick)

L x

School Pecking Order

I'm afraid this is one of those annoying posts that will maybe definitely only make sense to those who live in England, so if you don't- I think you better leave right now. Unless you enjoy being befuddled.

At every school there is a hierarchy, everyone has to learn to accept it, begrudgingly or happily. If you don't know what the order is, don't worry because I am about to write it down, and hopefully it will stick.

Remember that I don't mean to offend anyone in this post, I am just telling it like it is. Don't hate me, hate the system.

1) Sixth Formers

This includes the prestigious Head Girl/Boy and her/his team. They are to be feared by all, even if they are the kindest people in the world, which most of the time they aren't.

In the majority of schools, sixth form students don't wear uniform (obviously this is only significant if the school has a uniform in prior years). This makes them easy to spot, and therefore easy to kneel at the feet of when they walk past you, because this is what you should do if you see one of these specimens.

It is not their fault that they are often grumpy, they are laden with work and other life stresses. Please be forgiving to these people and remember that, no matter what, they are always better than you.

2) Headmaster/mistress

You may be wondering why the actual leader of the school comes below the oldest students in the hierarchy. I don't know either, so don't ask me. And don't ask the system either, because you are not allowed to question the system.

The head of a school is pretty scary and they must always be given a warm smile when you see them; this smile should be quite subtle and don't show teeth. Any banter that this person tries to have with you should be received with a nod of your head and a light laugh, no more, no less.

3) Deputy head

This person usually tries to get "down with the kids". I don't know what it is about deputy heads that makes them want to do this, they clearly don't realise that it's just creepy. However, they are number 3 in the pecking order, so I would do what they tell you to do (to a certain extent. Know your limit) and enjoy your fun-lovin' senior teacher.

4) Other teachers

Meh. You want to get on the good side of most teachers because they do have the ability to give you more homework and no-one wants that.

5) Years 9-11

These people are allowed to be mean to anyone in the years below them, but are also meant to lay their coats down at the feet of the sixth formers.

They have a certain amount of power, but they are also often over-ruled. They are easy to spot by their half-chipped-off nail varnish, rolled up skirts and they are often putting up posters about their lost folders.

6) Dinner ladies

These people are actually very important. I mean, these people serve you your food, they could easily spit in it if you don't treat them well. They will always hold that power over you.

You have the nice dinner ladies and the nasty dinner ladies; the nice ones will always give you extra chips on a Friday and the nasty ones (who are often skinnier) will give you judgemental looks when you get pasta and bread (not that I ever ever ever do that. Never ever.)

7) Year 8s

Almost as annoying as Year 7s, but their voices are slightly less nasal and high pitched. They think it's okay to push in the lunch queue, which it really isn't, but at the same time, there is an element of sweetness about them especially when you see them crying to a teacher because they "lost their hockey stick".

They are distinctive as they have shiny, new shoulder bags, glossy ponytails and they are keen to sign up to as many clubs as possible.

8) Foreign Exchange Students

If you're unable to converse with them, how do you know if they are important or not? Answer: you don't. So they're just floating around down here at number 8.

9) Poo

10) Year 7s

The bane of every person in the school's life. The other students hate 'em, the teachers hate 'em and no-one can blame them really. Every year, the new girls get cockier and cockier. No you cannot push past a year 10 in the queue into assembly and please unlink your arms and stop running down the corridors in group of 20 so there is no room for anyone else. The thought of them makes me annoyed, blegh.

These creatures are quite small, giggly, always have money for the tuck shop and their preferred school bag is either a garishly coloured backpack or the most annoying wheelie suitcase in the world.

Anyway, there you have it- the order which needs always to be instilled in schools. Otherwise, the school could turn into havoc and be shut down.

Stick to this hierarchy like nobody's business and the school experience should be enjoyable for the most part and safe.

M x

I Want To Live My Life Like Cher Horowitz

I know I can't be the only person in the world to have seen Clueless, AND THEN read Emma, the Jane Austen novel it was based on? I may be a bit of a reading geek, but I'm an even bigger Cher Horowitz fan. Not Emma Woodhouse. Definitely not Emma Woodhouse. Even Jane Austen said 'I am going to take a heroine who no one but myself will much like'.
That's the point, we're not meant to like Emma. She's meddling, interfering and spoilt, so surely those characteristics would have been transferred to the adapted film version of Clueless (okay, so artistic license plays a large role but shhh, you're ruining my point). Yet there's something so unbelievably great about Cher in my opinion, and I'm going to try and understand why.

HER WARDROBE

Admittedly, I wear a school uniform at the moment, so I don't have the mad 7am rush of trying to find something on the floor that doesn't smell too offensively appalling to wear, but I do have to dress myself after school and on weekends. And don't we all wish we couldn't have that nifty little contraption of Cher's. Life would be so easy. It might also avoid the guilty embarrassment of finding a photo of yourself from years ago wearing socks and sandals. I'm sure I thought it was a good idea at the time...

HER DAD

Daddy B, I love you, I really do, but you're not a super cool stressed lawyer. You're Head of Distressed Debt (calm down you wildcat), and although I secretly suspect that you're the cool guy of the office (wearing lederhosen to the office Christmas party? Nothing less than badass), it's just not enough for me.
Let's face the facts here. The main reason Cher's dad is my numero uno is because he's called Mel. Yes, Mel Horowitz.

HER FRIENDS

You know you have a true friend when you are both named after has-been pop singers, I'm just saying. We all secretly wanted a friend like Dionne and resented our friends for not being so witty with their comebacks.

But in all seriousness, we all wish we had our Dionne. The totally stable, sensible one who has a boyfriend (although he's a total loser), and who loves your obsession with fashion and makeovers as much as you do. 

As a side note, I will be holding auditions for the Dionne position in my life on Wednesday lunchtime. Form an orderly queue.

PAUL RUDD

Yes, Paul Rudd is one of my (many) geeky crushes, in a long list with others such as Chris O'Dowd, Matthew Lewis and Matt Smith. But, as a brotherless teenage girl, I feel as if I've missed out, in a totally non-weird way. I always wished I had cool older girlfriends to come round and chat, as well as big, comfy sweaters to steal. PARENTS YOU FAILED ME.
Ummm... I forgot where this was going. But yes. Paul Rudd.
That is all.

THE GBF

Any person who says that they don't want a GBF (gay best friend) are either in denial or living under a rock. Imagine having a friend of the opposite sex that you're never worried is going to ask you out to lunch or try and get with you (it's a really tough life being me, clearly. This might only be a problem if I had any friends). But a gay best friend, ahh a gay best friend. Imagine the possibilities.
And Christian. Oh Christian. So suave, so stylish, but far too much gel in the hair. Hagsville.

But, if like me and many others, you can't afford to live the grand ol' life of Cher Horowitz, take my nifty tips to live the 90210 lifestyle without breaking the bank:

• Always have a lipgloss on hand. Always. And then pout.

• Carry a fluffy pen. Normal pens are maybe cheaper, but AS IF!

• Buy colourful clothes!

• Always go to class with a Starbucks. It had better be a skinny flavoured latte!

• Get your maid Lucy (no correlation) to deal with your hideous amounts of washing. Or, if that fails, bribe your mum

(The above tips cannot guarantee you a hot stepbrother)

By the way, Mindy, I'm ditching you and turning this blog into a full time Clueless appreciation website. Someone needs to.

L x

How to Respond to Texts

Have you ever been in the situation where a certain person has sent you a text/bbm/iMessage/WhatsApp etc. and you have read it and immediately felt obliged to reply for some reason, but you just don't know what to write? Well fear no more, as I have compiled the ideal responses to many messages that you may receive over the course of your life.

This especially applies to those with bbm, iMessage and WhatsApp as the sender can see when you've read it.

Message From: PARENT

1) Please don't be home late and be sensible

Reply: Of course mummy/daddy. (delete as appropriate) Always.

2) Did I already give you your pocket money this month?

Reply: Not that I remember. I think you still owe me last month's as well.

3) Could you please buy some milk on your way home? I know you have money because you tweeted a picture of your Starbucks earlier.

Reply: That was a picture from ages ago obviously, I never buy Starbucks, no money sorry.

*buys extra hot Gingerbread Latte with soy milk*

4) I won't be at home this evening, please do your homework and don't watch any TV.

Reply: I haven't watched TV in ages, of course I'll do all of my homework, stop pestering me. Don't you trust me?

Message From: SIBLING

1) Can I borrow your _____?

Reply: NO

2) Do you have my _____?

Reply: NO

3) Do you know where the ______ is?

Reply: NO

Message From: BEST FRIEND

1) *inside joke* *inside joke* *banter* *inside joke* *banter* *quote from TV show* *sarcastic emoticon*

Reply: Haha and *banter* *inside joke* *inside joke* *humorous tweet* *sarcastic text language* *inside joke*

2) Have you don't the history homework?

Reply: cba

3) Have you revised for the Chemistry test?

Reply: Nah, I'll do it during the breaks in Wizards of Waverly Place.

Message From: MEMBER OF OPPOSITE SEX (not that I'm the expert here...)

1) Hi x

Reply: hi

Message From: PERSON YOU BARELY KNOW

1) Hey, do u kno wot the bio hwk woz? Thanx (name)

[After decoding their cryptic message] So sorry, left it at school. Try asking (other person in class whom the pressure is now on). Sorry again x

2) Hi, are you free this weekend? X

Reply: sorry, who is this?

3) Heyyy I got a blackberry add meeee (bbm pin)

Reply: *none, because you are too busy adding them on bbm. More contacts for you!*

Message From: OVERKEEN NEIGHBOUR

1) Hi! I was wondering if you were free this Friday?! It would be fun if we did something cause we live so near each other!

Reply: Aww sounds great but I'm busy this Friday. And Saturday. And Sunday. And every weekend after that; my parents are so pushy and they're making me work so hard! Sorry.

2) I'm outside your house! Forgot my keys! Your mum said I was welcome anytime! Let me in! I can see your bedroom light on!

Reply: Actually no-one's home, we keep my bedroom light on to deter burglars. Home security and all. Try the other neighbours...

3) OMG I saw you today as you were walking down our road! I waved but you didn't wave back! I shouted your name but you didn't turn around! LOL. Good times!!
Reply: Sorry, I wasn't wearing my glasses and had my noise-cancelling headphones in.

4) We have run out of food at our house! Can I come round and borrow some pasta from your house!? Or any food really! We don't want to go hungry! HAHA
Reply: I would love for you to but we don't keep food in our house. None at all. It's for religious reasons, please don't question it.


I'm sure you are bound to receive texts that I haven't included, maybe even from different people that I haven't included, who knows. However, hopefully you can select bits from the above replies and put them together to form an appropriate response to someone should an uncovered situation arise.
I hope this post has helped you with your texting etiquette and you were able to relate to some of the received texts.

M x

PS. I definitely did not write this in the Wizards of Waverly Place breaks. Everyone knows they are about 30 seconds long.
It was the Victorious breaks obviously.

An Instagram A Day Keeps Your Friends At Bay

This is going to sound reaaaaaally hypocritical. Because, yes, I am an iPhone user and yes, I use Instagram. But not quite so religiously as some others, it would seem...

What is it about Instagram? Why does it have over 100 million users? Is it the ability to make a photo square shaped (simple but soo genius), or the filters that have the ability to make that average photo of you and your friends look super cool and trendy. And spot-free (major bonus)

Personally, I like it because 90% of the filters make me look tanned. Bye bye vampire look.

But nowadays, it seems as if Instagram is made up of the following groups:
60% spamming losers
32% self-obsessed teenage girls (the majority of these girls also happen to be One Direction obsessed. 'oooooh emmmm geeee lovin ma new 1D tee, theyre the best. get off my future husband, I <3 U Zayn xoxo')
5% cat lovers (follow @catsofinstagram, they're the best)
3% normal human beings

So I wrote a little letter to the users. Not all users, just the majority.

Dear active users of Instagram (not the spammers, we don't like you much and quite frankly, we wish you'd go away),
We don't care what you look like without make up. We don't want your daily selfies. We don't want to see a picture of yourself in the mirror everytime you wear your One Direction t-shirt. We certainly don't care about every Starbucks cup you drink from, whether your name is spelt incorrectly or not, and we most definitely do not want to know about your #OutfitOfTheDay
Seriously. We don't care.
Yours Sincerely,
An easily annoyed girl who hopes she does none of the above

And ever since the invention of Instagram, a new social group seem to have emerged from the depth. THE FOOD-STAGRAMERS. They're a pretty dangerous lot.
Most likely to be found: outside a new trendy cafe/restaurant and ALWAYS outside a Nando's, strangely.
Symptoms include: mad twitchy eye, unused camera around the neck and bad eyesight from holding the phone right up to their face
Interesting facts: The only food they eat will always be stone cold, because they've spent so long getting several snaps (from several angles, daaahling). And if they're feeling frisky, they might upload a panoramic scan on their swanky iPhone 5 (stop showing off, okay?)

So you, yes you. Just remember this. Next time you Instagram a picture of your Decaf Skinny Sugar Free Gingerbread Latte with the Nashville filter, Santa Claus won't bring you any Christmas presents and Mickey Mouse will come into your room at midnight and kill you with a machete, just like he did with 10 year old Jimmy.

Unless you comment on ten other Instagram photos, of course.

L x

Best Ice Skating Rinks in London

I have always thought of myself as a bit of a pro-skater, when in reality I have to hold onto the edge and pull myself around the rink at least 5 times before I am able to let go and skate about 2 metres, by which time my half hour slot is over and I am being told to leave. Anyway, despite me not being the ideal candidate for Dancing on Ice, I do enjoy ice skating and it is a really good activity to do around... (must not say the C word) Winter.
In London there are quite a few nice ice skating rinks dotted around, so I am going to share some of my favourites with you.

1) Natural History Museum
The main reason I love this ice skating rink is probably because they have a kid's smaller sized rink attached to the full sized one, I like to go into the tiny one and pretend that I am amazing just because I am better at ice skating than some toddlers who probably only learnt to walk the day before. They have the little penguin things here that you can hold onto if you're a really incompetent skater, but you have to be under 8 or something to be able to get one. Lame.
Once you're done ice-skating, you can head over to the Natural History Museum for some free culture and have a browse around the brilliant gift shop.

2) Somerset House

I actually haven't been to this ice-rink, but I am going this weekend so hopefully it's a good one. The prices are similar to those at the Natural History Museum, not too bad and they have a special student rate that stays the same off and on peak season. Somerset house is in a nice area and the rink is situated bang in the middle of it so it is quite big.

Watch this cute video here to get an idea of its good qualities (in case you are wondering, yes, the woman in the pink jumper who does a twirl, is me obviously.)

3) Winter Wonderland

These tickets are quite on the expensive side, even off-peak ones, but it is also such a fun place to go in general without even visiting the ice-skating rink. You don't even have to go skating, you can go on the equally over-priced rides and buy snacks that will make you bankrupt!

However, the ice-skating rink here is really pretty and, if you don't mind colliding with random kids every once in a while, it is another great place to skate in London. Plus the London Eye literally looks over the ice-rink (if you'll pardon the pun...)

4) Queen's

This place is not as classy as the aforementioned venues but it doubles as a super great bowling alley! So once you're done bruising your bum, you can show everyone what you're made of on the lanes. Unless you're like me and are hopeless at the whole bowling shindig as well... Oh well, they have nice chips there.

This is the only rink I have mentioned that is actually indoors so you don't have to worry about the whole it's-freezing-outside thing. Although, I recommend still wearing gloves as it does hurt your hands if you fall otherwise.

Despite the un-beautiful scenery surrounding you, it is rather pricey here and you have to pay a separate fee for your boots! What kind of person carries around their own ice-skating boots?

You may be thinking right now that this post is pointless cause you don't want to go ice-skating and are rubbish at it. However, just remember that there will always be one person that is worse than you. Me. And I love going ice-skating despite this.

All the same, I highly reccomend bringing a friend who is better that you and never letting go of their hand. (Pretend you are re-enacting Titanic or something)

M x

Dream Team TV Friends

So, I know this has been a long time coming (sorry to all our hundreds of millions of followers)
You may have read my last post about my Dream Team TV Family, and now I've chosen my next prey. Friends, you're next.
I'll be the first to admit that I am not the most popular girl to ever have been born onto this mighty large planet. But I have the greatest variety of friends. I have the posh ones, the ginger asian ones, the sensible ones, the crazy ones and the ones you watch a sad movie with, to name but a few.
But don't you ever wish you could steal TV characters and bribe them to be your friends? No? Just me? Ok then.

Jim & Pam Halpert - The Office

Two's company and three's a crowd, but I wish I was best friends with both of them. I don't think you understand my happiness when these two got together. And, as Lonely Island once said 'it's ok when it's in a three-way' (I don't encourage that. In a totally platonic way, of course). Plus, I could add my absolutely wicked prank ideas.
And, I mean, it's got nothing at all to do with the fact that Jim Halpert is my ultimate geeky TV crush. I regret nothing.

Blair Waldorf - Gossip Girl














Some (a couple) of people have asked me why I wanted Blair as my friend. They question me, judge me and then roll their eyes. Even my mum, whom I persuaded to watch one episode, said that she was bad news.
GUYS! When you see behind all the malicious behaviour, and queen bee tendencies, you've got a wonderful person beneath. Her taste in hairbands is impeccable, she can get any guy she wants (ok, so Gossip Girl became pretty incestual in Season 2, let's move past that) and she gives me literal hair envy.
Plus she throws wicked sleepovers and has a maid called Dorota. Need I say more?


Barney - How I Met Your Mother

I REQUEST THE HIGHEST OF FIVES. 

You've got to love someone in a suit. That is all.

Suited and booted.

So I'm not quite sure whether it's Barney Stinson or just Neil Patrick Harris I want to be friends with, but I'm a sucker for a man in a suit (although in this case, in a totally platonic way. NPH is gay and BS is a sex addict. Lets move on)
Just watching NPH in action will make you want to watch How I Met Your Mother (it's HIMYM to all acronym freaks, obvie)

JD + Turk - Scrubs

I need say nothing more than Guy Love:

The Chuckle Brothers - Chucklevision

No Chucklevision = No Childhood. Sunday mornings meant Chucklevision catch up time (I was actually unable to watch mid week telly because of the hoards of work. Private School Problems)
And now, at the ripe old age of 16, I can probably understand why people were so reluctant to me watching Chucklevision. Let's be honest, and I don't want to be arresting for accusing anyone of anything, but they look like paedophiles. Or perverts at the least. Maybe it's the moustache.... I love moustaches but, hey, it just looks creepy on 89.76% of people

But RLF (Real Life Friends, you may be able to tell by now that I'm an acronym freak), you need not fear. I won't be making bezzie mates with any paedophiles/queen bees/couples any time soon. Too much effort required for said action, and I guess I'm fine with the friends I've got. Especially when they offer me a home delivery Starbucks service (that's you Mindy. Skinny Vanilla Latte on a good day, Hot Chocolate on a bad day)
Now I know I should go on about how much I love my friends and how I wish they'd never leave me, but that would just make them conceited.
(But seriously guys, you rock)

L x

Premature Christmas

Please don't get me wrong, I adore Christmas as much as the next person; last year I even had an advent calendar leading up to actual advent on the 1st December. However, I just switched off my TV because an unnamed music channel started playing "The 40 Best Christmas Songs" and I have just seen that "Christmas" is trending worldwide on Twitter. It is a tiny bit early for these things, world.
It is fine to start writing your wish list now, I know I have, and to start thinking about what you're going to buy people is great, but it's a tad soon to start buying them. I mean, the Christmas sales have barely started.

I am among the firm believers of the fact that Michael Buble hibernates until Christmas, when he comes out with a brilliant Christmas album that puts everyone in the holiday mood, but I think the Bubs has woken up a little early this year; they even played one of his new songs on Mellow Magic last night. This is a clear sign that everyone is celebrating Christmas a little prematurely.

I am no hater of Christmas songs, not at all, in fact I love them. I have many seasonal albums on my iPod, including Justin Bieber's Mistletoe (although, according to some of my less intelligent friends, Justin Bieber doesn't have the right Christmas voice and Mistletoe is not really a Christmas album in their eyes.) I would do an unnecessary list of my favourite Christmas songs here, but that would mean that I would have to pause the Black Eyed Peas and actually listen to said songs and I think we already know how I feel about that.

In terms of Christmas trees, don't even get me started on them. (That was a figure of speech obviously I'm now going to write a whole paragraph on Christmas trees). I think they are probably one of my favourite things in the world-  the smell, buying and decorating them, putting presents under them, everything about them. However, this year, I have seen and heard multiple statements that people have already bought their trees! This is pushing the prematurity a little too far. By December 25th, those peoples' trees will be dead and gone, they will have fir leaves all over their floor and the lights will have fused and not be working. This image doesn't really scream "Merry Christmas!" now does it?

By now, you probably all think I look a little like this:

but that is so so far from the truth. I am more excited about Christmas than all of the 337 people that have tweeted about it in the last half an hour, I just don't want to start celebrating prematurely because I'm worried that by the time Yule Tide actually swings around, I will have over-celebrated and just go "meh".
Call me paranoid or whatever, but don't be too surprised if you're not as enthusiastic about the next day as you thought you would be on Christmas Eve.

Be prepared to be bombarded with Christmassy blog posts nearer to the time, but for now, this is all I shall say on the matter.

M x

Let's Face It, We All Love Twilight Really

I was lucky enough to go to the European premiere of Breaking Dawn part 2 yesterday and, I'll be honest, I was a little apprehensive beforehand. I have read the Twilight saga, enjoyed them, but the I never felt the movies did them justice. Until now.

Not only did K-Stew look stunning on the red carpet and did R-Patz crack some brilliant jokes, but the film was great too. I'm not at all ashamed to say this because, once you've seen the film, you will agree with me too. It was a very emotional conclusion to the 5 part movie series and Jacob made it absolutely hysterical (even Bella had a few witty one-liners).

However sceptical I was about seeing the film before doing so, it made me realise that I actually to love Twilight and I am quite sad to see it end. I have also realised that, however vehemently they may deny it, many people also are fans.



Hater                                                                                    "Twi-hard"



On Twitter, you have the haters saying stuff like "oh ma gerd who wants to watch that Twilight crap. Kristen Stewart is so fugly and dumb." I'm going to take this moment to say, I have seen her in the flesh, Kristen Stewart is not in the least bit fugly; and you know who wants to watch that "Twilight crap"? Me. Plus a whole bunch of other people. These people are known as "Twi-hards" and there are millions of them, they tweet things like "Taylor Lautner I love you #teamjacob" or "I want a romance like Bella and Edward's. So true and real". Although I don't agree that Bella and Edward have the most sane, credible and flawless relationship, I just don't see why it is suddenly uncool to like the Twilight saga.

When I was an innocent year 7, everyone loved Twilight, if you had read and seen all the most recent movies, you were admired by all. In year 8, the situation was very similar. In year 9, the love decreased a little, but we all still went to see the films as soon as they came out. Year 10, in the words of the Black Eyed Peas 'where is the love?' If you suddenly said something about Twilight, you got a look of disgust.

However, I can confirm that at least 75% of my friends are going to see Breaking Dawn part 2 tomorrow- the day it comes out; another 10% are going to see it at midnight tonight- the minute it comes out. All of these people will probably cry or feel some sort of remorse as they watch the credits roll, because, as much as they hate to admit it, they love Twilight. They do have a favourite book in the saga (mine is New Moon for anyone wondering) and they would be able to contribute heartily into a Team Edward vs Team Jacob debate (I'm Team Jacob, in case anyone was wondering.)

For those of you who are shaking your heads at your phone/computer/portable electronic device right now still in denial about your deep-down adoration of Twilight, remember that book that sold more copies than Harry Potter? "Fifty Shades of Grey", the book that the whole world is obsessed it for one reason or another? It is actually a giant Twilight fan-fiction series. If you're still not convinced:

Still hatin'? ARE YOU BLIND?

To conclude, Twi-hard or not, I highly recommend that you go and see Breaking Dawn part 2 whenever it comes out near you. Even though TayLau only takes his shirt off once (and his jeans come off too..), it is actually a really good film and I am not in the least bit ashamed to say that.

M x

WWVCD: What Would Violet Crawley Do?

So I can't be the only person in the world who felt totally lost on Sunday night due to a lack of dogs bottom/bell ring/upstairs downstairs banter?
I'm A Celebrity, you provided some light Ant and Dec related banter (local boys, bless), but it just wasn't the same.

I often find myself in rather sticky situations, through no fault of my own , although actually 63.7% of the time (ballpark figure), it is actually my fault. I blame my bad decision making, which is cleaaaaaarly, as my horoscope tells me, because I'm a Libra.
So then I often find myself wondering: What Would The Dowager Do? Her extreme wit and self-assurance must really help her out.

So I've managed to compile a list of situations, some more likely to happen to me than others (I have sloth-like tendencies, forgive me). Take a look:

My Boyfriend Dumped Me

ME: FYI, this is unlikely to occur. Not because I am too cool to be dumped and instead do the dumping, but because, err, finding a boyfriend is tough stuff.
But, practicalities aside, I would probably spend a good two weeks crying my eyes out, listening to Taylor Swift and watching Katherine Heigl movies. Elle Woods style, but not in 2001. My life was MUCH better in 2001.

VIOLET CRAWLEY: Just rock it out with a great top knot and a high collar. Show dat booooi what he's missing (hissing is acceptable)

I forgot to do my homework

ME: OH MY GOSH what do I do? What excuse do I use this time? Is my printer not working? Did it run out of ink? Is my computer broken? Did I leave it somewhere? Did I leave in on the kitchen counter? HELP!! Oh, err, the teachers wondering where it is now... Make something up, Lucy, make it up. *mind turns to mush*

VIOLET CRAWLEY: I couldn't do it because I was too busy appreciating my own awesomeness.

Young Apprentice and Masterchef re-runs are on at the same time, help!

ME: Please can someone teach me how to use this blasted Tivo box? I don't know how to record things, eeek.

VIOLET CRAWLEY: Watching neither is necessary. I'm rich so I don't need to make money and I have servants to cook for me (Hey Mrs Patmore)

I can't find my favourite top!

ME: MUUUUUUUUM, WHAT DID YOU DO WITH IT? This is all your fault, I hate you, why does nothing EVER get done this house? Urgghhhhhhghasjkfhla.

VIOLET CRAWLEY: Chill out girl. Take a leave out of my book and wear high-necked velvet dresses at all times. ALL TIMES.

Mrs Crawley has employed a former prostitute to work in her house

ME: Umm?

VIOLET CRAWLEY: This is totally unacceptable, and I know I should totally leave, but I haven't had dessert yet and it looks DEEEELICIOUS.

However, when the going gets really tough, it's not just the Dowager that I turn to for advice. For example, What Would Cher Horowitz Do (WWCHD)? What Would Bridget Jones Do (WWBJD)? And What Would Snoop Dogg Do (WWSDD)?

Ultimate Partners in Crime

For those of you who don't know, Partners in Crime (PICs) are two people that have some sort of super bond and are really good at what they do, but only when they are together. Often PICs are of the same gender, but PICs are never romantically involved.
For instance, my PIC is Lucy; our "crime" being blogging. If you are still very confused, I am going to list a few of the best/my favourite Partners in Crime and maybe by the end you will have got the gist.

Sherlock and Watson
These two are probably the most iconic Partners in Crime. They were created waaay back when Arthur Conan Doyle first wrote about them in his series of books entitled Sherlock Holmes, in case you didn't know that. There are quite a few adaptations of these two awesome people and I'm not sure which one is my favourite; RDJ and Jude are super banterous and have a fab bromance going on, Benedict Cumberbatch and the naked guy from Love Actually are also great and I love the modern twist, but then there is a new show called Elementary where Watson is a girl! I haven't seen it yet so I can't make any judgements but Lucy Liu is beautiful so I'm sure it'll be good.

Scooby and Shaggy

In this case I am not talking about the Shaggy that insists that nothing was him (everyone's favourite Shaggy), but the one from one of my all time favourite childhood shows- Scooby Doo. Scooby (the talking dog) and Shaggy (the messy human who ate dog food) were inseparable, they used to go off by themselves while Fred was off somewhere being hot, Daphne was off somewhere being awesome and Velma was off somewhere... doing whatever she does...

These guys' "crime" was/is most definitely solving mysteries where the villain is always someone in a suit, and they are very good at helping the rest of the gang do this.

Jonah Hill and Channing Tatum in 21 Jump Street

I feel like I don't need to say much about these two; if you've seen this, you will know exactly what I'm talking about without needing to say anything, if you haven't go and watch it now. These two are hysterical, they aren't great at their undercover policemen jobs but they kick some serious butt at the end. Plus, Channing Tatum is so hot.

The 10th Doctor and Billie Piper

For those of you not in the know, I am referring to Doctor Who here- the 10th Doctor being David Tennant and Billie Piper being the amazing Rose Tyler. I will try to refrain from venting about how much I love Rose, but let it be known that I still miss her and she hasn't been in an episode for a good few years. David Tennant was the best doctor, and as much as I appreciate Matt Smith, I will always want him to make a random comeback. However, it is these two together that made those seasons so special, these two are actually in love (as he tells her in his last episode where all of his companions came back *tear*) so they are an exception to the 'non-romantically involved' rule. Their "crime" was saving the world, and they did it better than any doctor and companion combo yet.

I MISS YOU SO MUCH DAVID TENNANT AND BILLIE PIPER. I'll stop there.

Spongebob and Patrick

These two are the main men of Bikini Bottom, who else could live in a pineapple under the sea and who else could get away with wearing such casual shorts everyday of his life? I love how a talking sponge and suspiciously pink starfish are the best of friends, it's adorable. They both have equally strange voices, and I think their area of expertise is probably working in some way at the Krusty Krab. I don't see how you cant love these two PICs.

Phineas and Ferb

Despite Phineas having a super annoying sister called Candice and them owning a turquoise platypus who just happens to be a secret agent on the side, these two still manage to have time to do new and entertaining things everyday to amuse themselves during their 104 days of summer 'vacation'. They are the bestest of friends even though Ferb rarely talks, and when he does it's with this ridiculously posh English accent. Sidenote: why is Ferb's hair green and how come Phineas is already balding?

The Cheeky Girls

Ha ha, just kidding. Not even sure what they were trying to achieve.

I know this isn't a very long list of PICs, but I hope you understand what they are now if you didn't before.

Maybe I'll continue this in the near future (probably not), but for now I am going to watch some old Doctor Who reruns.

M x