Public Transport

Being a Londoner, using public transport is my main way of getting where I want to be, when I want to be; I can't drive until I'm 18 and my parents have a plethora of excuses when I ask them to take me somewhere (usually, "I've had a bit too much to drink")
Therefore I am on the tube/bus/train quite a lot. Over the years I have observed/felt/heard many things on public transport that need to be criticised. I am going to share them with you now:

1) How do you know when you should give your seat up? I know there are signs everywhere telling you to offer your seat to elderly people, disabled people, pregnant people or people who are "less able to stand", but it is hard knowing which passengers fit into these categories. Is there an age at which immediately seats must be given up to you? If so, what is this age? Unfortunately, us humans are yet to develop the power of mind-reading so we also don't know how old people actually are; you could offer your seat to a perfectly able-bodied 35-year-old who looks 80, that is embarrassing for both people. On the other hand, you could leave a 95-year-old person standing up, clutching the hand rail, knees aching and bones breaking, just because they look 40 years younger than they actually are. Plastic surgery is becoming increasingly popular.
Then we move onto pregnant people. It is actually very hard to tell when people are pregnant, except for those obnoxious women who wear those 'Baby On Board' badges. Obesity levels are rising, how is one meant to know who is with child and who is just tubby? You obviously can't just ask someone "excuse me, are you pregnant?" because if the answer is no and they are just a tad chubs, that is sooo awkward for the rest of the journey, and if the answer is yes and you then give up your seat to that person you just look a bit stupid.
I think the rules should be changed. I don't think people should give up their seats, I think those who are elderly, disabled, pregnant or less able to stand should ask for them. If everyone does it and Boris is cool with it, then it's not rude. But in the mean time, if I have a seat, I won't be giving it up. Not because I'm rude, but because I'm scared of humiliating me or another passenger.

2) Do the drivers enjoy watching your whole day be ruined? At least once a week this happens: my day start brilliantly, I have had the best breakfast, I am right on time, I've done all my homework from the previous night and I am strolling cheerfully to the station. I see that my tube leaves at 49 minutes past 7 so I'm fine for time as it is only 47 minutes past 7. I bound through the barriers (not forgetting to use my oyster card) and... watch the tube pull away, 1 minute and 22 seconds early. I can practically hear the tube conductor's laughter.
It's the same with buses, you're running and running, you're sure you'll make it and just as you get to the doors, the bus pulls away.
Why do they do that?! It's just mean!

3) There should be a limit to the volume people can talk at. I know I'm being a little hypocritical here as I am prone to the odd loud laugh on the train, but I am not one of the annoying schoolgirls who recounts her whole day to the rest of the passengers. We don't care that you got a A* on your History essay that you did in the lesson before you handed it in, it doesn't make you sound cool. In fact, your history teacher could be sitting next to you...
There should be little monitors behind every seat and if your noise exceeds the limit the monitor should buzz, or give you an electric shock or something. I don't think this is even possible but people should look into it.

4) B.O. It's disgusting. There is this amazing thing called deodorant that stops people from smelling like dead fish wrapped in poo covered in feet. However people still smell, and their heinous body odour seems to spread through the whole of whatever mode of transport you are on. This stink can easily be helped! Automatic air-fresheners should be installed in trains/tubes/buses etc. This would fix the problem wonderfully! At least, until the air freshener ran out.

I have so many more criticisms to make, but I will contain myself for now otherwise this post could be longer than all of the Harry Potter books put together.
Maybe I will write another Frustration on public transport but for now, if you see a small ginger girl on the tube who is not giving her seat up, is scowling at some overly-loud year 7 and screwing her nose up at the man sitting opposite her, it is most probably me.

M x

FILM: Perks Of Being A Wallflower

Ok, so unless you've been hiding under a rock for the past 13 years, you will have heard about Perks (yes, it was first published in 1999). Being only three years old at the time, I didn't rush out to buy it, but took my time (12 years in fact), to go out and read it.
CAN I EVEN DESCRIBE HOW GOOD THE BOOK WAS? No. I'm no literary genius. So you can imagine my excitement when I found out there was to be a film adaptation. And you cannot even begin to comprehend the joy bubbling up inside of me when I found that it was to be (sex-god) Logan Lerman playing Charlie.

If you haven't read the book, go out and do so this instant. Or we can't be friends.

And if you haven't seen the trailer, prepare for your mind to be blown.

Let me set the scene for you. It's a wednesday break time, approximately 10:37AM and I'm sitting in the classroom most probably complaining about how the Year 7's are the only ones who can afford to buy things at tuck shop. Mindy, and her massive flop of ginger hair (sorry), bounds in, grinning like a hyena (sorry) and looking far too much like the Child Catcher from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.
Two minutes later, it's 10:39AM and suddenly I couldn't give a damn about the Year 7's BECAUSE I'M GOING TO THE GALA SCREENING OF PERKS OF BEING A WALLFLOWER.

The next eight hours fly by. Sorry French teacher, I do not want to learning about 'les vacances' right now. I have some crying to do.

It's 18:37, and I have just eyed up Emma Watson wearing some absolutely hideous black peplum number. I'm sorry Emma, it's not personal. I just don't do peplum.
After being ushered into a big, plush screening room, we sit and try to wait out the 20 minutes before the screening begins. Stop biting your nails, Lucy. Logan Lerman won't love you if you bite your nails.
(Little side note here, Mindy has placed dibs on Logan Lerman. But that's okay. She doesn't know Chace Crawford is mine)
And all of a sudden, Emma Watson (and the black spaceship placed on her waist) is standing six feet away from me, talking about how much she enjoyed making the film.

And then it begins.

Why on earth is Logan Lerman sitting alone at lunch?
After watching the film, I can confirm that the school is full of utter bumheads. And I know Logan Lerman is meant to be all 'alone and wallflower-y' but seriously? He's clearly the hottest guy in that school.

Hmm, Paul Rudd makes the best English teacher ever

In fact, just the best teacher ever. I wouldn't mind becoming friends with him, what's wrong with you Logan? And he has such good taste in books.

'Welcome to the land of misfit toys'
Ok, this is where my problem with you begins, Emma. I didn't like the thought of you playing Sam when I found out. But then again, I didn't like the character of Sam.
But anyway, this happens to be the first of many horribly, ridiculously cringe-worthy things that she says in the film. And the bad American accent doesn't help, love.

'BE AGGRESSIVE, PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE!'

 Classic. But I didn't notice this bit in the film. Maybe it got cut out, or maybe I was too busy crying to soak it all in.
And Ezra Miller, could you have been more perfect for the role of Patrick? I think not.

Emma Watson, you're just totally creeping me out...
Her stare-out with the camera at this moment is totally off-putting and, once again, cringe-worthy. I'm sorry Hermione, I really am.

...But she totally recovers
Confession: I've never seen The Rocky Horror Picture Show, but now I want to even more. Ezra was just fab. Umm, you too Emma, I guess.

'Call it "Slut and the Falcon", make us solve crimes!'
One word, HI-LAR-I-OUS. That is all.

'We accept the love we think we deserve'
After reading the book, I became obsessed with this quote. OBSESSED. I wrote it on all my school files and I tweeted it a few times too many. But it's a great quote.
But Charlie, stop taking credit from that quote. We all know it was your English teacher who told it to you.

 'And in that moment, I swear we were infinite'
Another fab quote, but now so overused. If I see one more person write in on their hand, I refuse to be held responsible for my actions.
But this moment occurs at the end of the film, and let's be honest, you'll probably have cried countless times and you'll have accepted that nothing will ever be as good as that moment (and if this is not the case, you're a heartless human being). And this is just the cherry on the cake. Because you're like 'CHARLIE IS NO LONGER A WALLFLOWER, HE HAS FRIENDS'.

Trust me, I'll be seeing it again when it comes out.

L x

Welcome

LACKADAISICAL: adj. without interest, vigor, or determination
(thanks dictionary.com)

We are just two girls, sometimes lackadaisical, always Londoners, forcing our opinions on the world.

LUCY (@LucyABurnett)
Hates slugs
Loves Peter Pan collars
Often found baking
Probably the most organised teen in the world

MINDY (@MindyHABurrows)
Hates avocados
Loves sodastreams
Often found with her cat
Probably going to be a "Tiger Mother"

Oh and, in case you haven't noticed, we both love alliteration.

We hope you enjoy what we have to say. If not, we'll take it lackadaisically.